"I am a strong, independent woman and I don't need a man in my life"
I have been telling myself this for so long I almost started to believe it. And even if I didn't, the Universe clearly did... hence the reason I have been single for the last 11 years. The truth is, I am a coward. I am scared of all the thing having a man in my life might mean and so I have built up this wall that protects me from having to deal with it. I am scared of getting hurt by someone, so have stopped giving them the chance to. I am scared of allowing people to see me vulnerable so I have built up layers of BS pretending I am not. Now I am finally at a point where I am ready to admit all of that and to make room for love in my life, but 11 years of programming is pretty hard to shift.
I went to a psychic evening not so long ago where I had my oracle cards read. It was an emotional experience but a valuable one. Whilst I wasn't told anything I didn't already know ('you have built this wall to keep people out', 'you have such low self-esteem', 'you've had your heart broken and now you are too scared to let it happen again') hearing someone else say it really made it hit home. Every area of my life is pretty great, my job, my family, my social life, so now it is time I sorted out my love life.
And so I am working on a plan that involves meditation, spell-work and healing. It is time to break down the walls and open my heart to the world. I may end up getting hurt but it is time to acknowledge that getting hurt won't kill me. I got over it before and I will do again if I have to.
If anyone has any suggestions they would like to share (magical or mundane) feel free to drop me a comment. I would love to hear from others who have been through the same journey.